Successful Relationships: Introducing Coach Elle

0:00:14 - Uncle Marv

Hello, friends, and welcome back to Uncle Marv's unhealthy podcast, my personal journey towards a healthy lifestyle, turning unhealthy choices into healthy ones. And, of course, we're going to be talking about a lot of things in life that, for some reason, are considered unhealthy or derail us from being happy, and we're going to do that today. I am joined by coach L, who is a relationship coach. Are you still a realtor, l?

0:00:48 - Elle Ebizadeh

Yes, I am.

0:00:50 - Uncle Marv

Okay, and basically you provide guidance to people to help form and maintain healthy, intimate relationships. And it's funny the way that your website describes everything, because you talk about the personal and intimate relationships, but also from an entrepreneurial perspective. We don't think about our businesses needing to have those personal relationships be healthy.

0:01:19 - Elle Ebizadeh

Yes, I mean it's a relationship. Anywhere that you look, any interaction that you have in the business aspect or personal, it's based on relationships.

0:01:33 - Uncle Marv

That is true. I guess we have to know how to deal with them, but we need to deal with them in a healthy way, and we're going to talk about that today. So let's first go back and introduce everybody to you a little bit better than what I did. And I asked about whether you're still doing realtor because I think early on you kind of got introduced to everybody as a real estate agent and a relationship expert. So I wanted to kind of get an idea of how that journey came to be.

0:02:08 - Elle Ebizadeh

So I mean, I have had my own businesses since I was in my late twenties. So I start businesses from scratch and after my last one was 12 years, I had a recycling company of electronics so I sold that and then I started. When I sold the company, I became a real estate agent and the reason that everything kind of changed and my direction went to be a relationship coach, it was because I looked at my relationship with my partner after 10 years and I said, oh my God, I don't think we want the same things. And we had a conversation and we both realized that we were in different places. So I took a class, with online class, with Catherine Woodward Thomas. She wrote two books Conscious, cultivating and Calling the One.

So after I took the class and I realized, oh my God, I understand in this relationship with my ex. What did I do wrong? What was my mistake in the relationship? And then I became more involved and more interested and went through the program and got certified by Catherine and now I'm a relationship coach and this is actually what I think this has been my calling. I love dealing with people who really wanted to maneuver over into a healthy relationship. Either in, I have worked with people who wanted to bring a partner as a business partner and also a partner in their love life. So it's the same kind of journey and that's what I'm doing now.

0:04:13 - Uncle Marv

All right. So that must have been some sort of awakening to have you change the path of your life from what you were doing into becoming fully engaged in this relationship aspect. So what was it that really made you turn and say that? This is something I really got to dive into.

0:04:40 - Elle Ebizadeh

I mean truthfully, Marv. When I was much younger, in my teenage years, I was always looking to see what's the meaning of life. Why am I here? So it got to a point that when I realized that I became a coach and I understood that this is my calling, so this is how I can kind of give back and be of service to people around me. I mean, in my office I have a map of the world and my intention to work with people all over the world and help them to have healthy, loving relationships.

0:05:22 - Uncle Marv

Interesting. So before we get too far, I made a note here on my thing, because we've had a few conversations and you know that I work in IT and in all those conversations it never came up that you had an electronics recycling coming. Yes, how did that slip by?

0:05:44 - Elle Ebizadeh

I'm not sure. I mean I was in 2004,. I'm in California In 2004, there was a legislation that passed that you cannot drop off to cellphone recycling. Then it went to TVs and computers, and I was in the cellphone industry prior to that when I sold my first company. So then I said, okay, the next baby is going to be recycling, so I just started doing that.

0:06:19 - Uncle Marv

It's very interesting because that is still one of the areas that for my business it's still a hard thing, because companies come and go and we have to dispose of our customers old equipment and you can only sell so many things on eBay. All right, we'll have to talk about that later.

0:06:43 - Elle Ebizadeh

Sure yes.

0:06:44 - Uncle Marv

So, going back to the idea of being a relationship coach, I gather that there's a lot of people who go through life and just simply don't talk about relationships in a way of saying what am I doing wrong? We're always pointing the finger at well, you do this and it annoys me, and you do this and I just can't. I mean whatever things there are, we're always pointing to somebody else as the issue. You made the comment when you were talking about your situation, where you wanted to look at what you were doing wrong.

I mean was that something that you came across before you reached out to the online course, or was it going through that course that made you decide that?

0:07:42 - Elle Ebizadeh

I was always looking to see what I'm doing. But in that deep understanding of who I was in that scenario, in that interaction, deeply I understood it when I took the class and when I went through my journey of conscious uncoupling and calling the one it's actually, it's a reflection helped me understand what has happened in my past, in my childhood, in my last relationships, and what did I bring to this last one. And then I said, okay, now I understand this part of it. It was mine. I always ask my clients let's just look and see. What do you think was a 2% of your contribution to this relationship that was negative? What's your 2%? If you say that 98% is his or hers, what is your 2%? And when we look at that 2%, I mean a world opens up of understanding of who we are.

0:08:55 - Uncle Marv

Interesting. 2% seems like a very small number when we try to say that our lives should be 50-50.

0:09:04 - Elle Ebizadeh

I know. But, like you know, let's with like baby steps to see what was that. You know that percentage of my negative behavior that contributed to that interaction that didn't work out.

0:09:18 - Uncle Marv

Okay, you mentioned a phrase during that explanation conscience uncoupling and I know that that's part of the coaching on the website. But just from a you know layman's you know way of understanding, what exactly does that mean?

0:09:40 - Elle Ebizadeh

It means that when you're in that space of, I guess, thinking of separating or divorcing or whatever, or you are already divorced for many years but you still have some ties from your to the past relationship, then we or I, help my clients to open themselves up to understand consciously how they can separate themselves from that relationship and understand who they are in that relationship. And now that they're not in that relationship, who they are, you know deeply and a lot of times it's just also some children are involved. So I invite my clients to be more conscious about that uncoupling and really consider the feelings and the well-being of the children All right.

0:10:45 - Uncle Marv

So you just mentioned two separate scenarios there. That I see, because one, if you're just, you know somebody and you don't have children, you know and you separate. There's an uncoupling where you know, from what I understand you're talking about, there's still some baggage left from that relationship that carries forward. But if you have children involved and if you're talking about a marriage or a relationship and you still have to actively deal with the other person because of the children, but, still uncouple. That could be a completely different scenario.

0:11:27 - Elle Ebizadeh

Yes, exactly, I had a client who the husband and wife had two kids and they still live together to figure out if they want to divorce or not. So the process was step by step and, I actually, I worked with the wife and how I kind of hold her hand to do the process and see if she wants to stay in the relationship or not and what was her to present in this relationship.

0:12:05 - Uncle Marv

Very interesting. So I want to let the listeners know. So we're going to kind of, today, just go through several different things, and you and I are actually going to come back for some follow-up episodes later and kind of dive into each of these areas separately. So I want to let everybody know that we're not going to try to cram everything into this one show here, but we're going to do that down the road.

But let me at least from the concept of what you your website's called Heart to Heart Coaching there are things that if you go to the website you know there's the calling in the one, there's the unconscious coupling, and you also do webinars that people can watch and kind of get some of these concepts in terms of somebody getting to a point of knowing that I've got to do something. Now I'm going to say for me, now I'll be honest, I don't think I need to do something. We're coming up on 21 years of marriage. I'm not going to say that it's been easy. It's not and we've had bumps. But when people come to you, are these people that? Are they looking for help to keep it together, or are they looking for help after the fact, when they know the end is near or is the end is over?

0:13:46 - Elle Ebizadeh

Yeah, I had both. So people come when they're still in that space of a relationship deciding if they want to stay or not. People that have been divorced for many years but cannot kind of open themselves up to have a healthy relationship. Every relationship that they get into it does not work out. So it's multiple different scenarios.

0:14:17 - Uncle Marv

All right, and in our future sessions we're actually going to be focusing on the calling in the one. Yes, and I know we're going to kind of go deep into each of these sections, but from a general point of view, what's the concept of calling in the one?

0:14:38 - Elle Ebizadeh

So calling in the one is basically I work with my clients in seven, sometimes 10 sessions and in each week we go to, like I mean the first week, I prepare them to expand and open themselves up to love and to be loved. So we go through exercises and I give them some homework and then they come back and then we have we talk about what they opened up for them. The second week we talked about, we talk about how I can help them complete their past. And same thing Some exercises they go reflect, come back and then we have a session. The third week we talk about how to transfer your love identity.

A lot of people feel that I'm not good enough to have, you know, the ideal love partner. I'm not lovable, I'm not enough. There is so many different underneath that face. There's a lot of doubt. So we figured that out. Step four, the fourth week, is expanding your vision of what's possible. What can you think of what's possible for you to have that healthy, loving relationship? The fifth week we talk about giving yourself what has been missing. So if you're looking of a partner to be very open and communicative, are you communicative to your people around you? Are you that person? So we go through that. I mean, those are the items that they need from their partner, are they that person? The sixth week is choosing to be happy becoming that one that you're looking for.

Step seven the last week. We talk about forgiving, and which is a big step going forward for giving yourself and forgiving others in your life. It's a journey. It's a journey. Well, I think that's a good thing.

0:17:09 - Uncle Marv

It's a journey. Well, just about everything we do is a journey, and we're going to dive into that over the coming weeks. I wanted to ask kind of a question in terms of we're looking at this and I'm looking at this as something where we want to turn unhealthy choices into healthy ones, and a lot of times in a scenario like this, you've got people that are dealing with things after the fact. Right.

And we know now, more than we ever knew about ourselves, about things happening in the world, how our brain reacts. You know how we grow in our environment and stuff. So how much of this unhealthiness in relationships are we learning? You know as we grow, as we start, and is that part of the process? Is learning what we've done in the past that's unhealthy and how we should approach things differently?

0:18:14 - Elle Ebizadeh

Yes, exactly it's. It's all about looking at the child, your childhood, and see what, in that family interaction, what has happened, that you made that assumption and how you became that person and or some people it's the last relationship to, I mean some, some of the interactions or that as an areas of the past repeats itself, and then we dig inside and see why does it repeal itself?

0:18:49 - Uncle Marv

I didn't think about that. Yeah, repeating patterns, that that we may go through. So I know that there are books and resources on the site and then people obviously can sign up for sessions and stuff. I think one of the things that people were probably asked are you know the types of problems that you know would be looked at? Are we talking about things? You mentioned communication earlier. I assume that trust is something that has to be discussed. What about things like intimacy or conflict, you know, are those concepts that you get into?

0:19:29 - Elle Ebizadeh

Yes, we get into very deep. By the way, I have a, um, I put a course together for people who wanted to have a successful relationship. It's 10 videos and a worksheet I'd be happy to give to your uh, you know, send it to your listeners. Uh, complimentary.

0:19:50 - Uncle Marv

Okay.

0:19:51 - Elle Ebizadeh

Starting to yeah.

0:19:54 - Uncle Marv

That'll be great. So 10, 10, uh, 10 videos. Is there a title to it?

0:20:00 - Elle Ebizadeh

Um, I don't remember exactly, but it's a hard to have a successful relationship.

0:20:06 - Uncle Marv

All right, yes, all right, we'll put that in the show notes for everybody. Um, let me ask another question about, say, somebody does sign up for a session. Are there exercises that you have people do, or is it just, you know, trying to get to the heart of the matter through discussions and things like that? Uh, but are there, you know, exercises that people do?

0:20:36 - Elle Ebizadeh

Yes, there are exercises. So this is how I uh offered complimentary 30 minute uh zoom call. So in that half an hour we talk about where they are and where they want to go and then, um, in the then we decide if they want to have seven, 10 sessions or more Uh, or we can extend it as it comes and if it's needed. So basically, um, yes, I usually have them read the book one chapter at a time. There's exercises on there. I send them some exercises also so that they can read and do on their own. It's just a lot of them are reflection of uh who they are and what they want and it just makes them really think about go deeper than that. Just a simple conversation. And then when they come back and we have a discussion, it's going to be more of uh understanding and I'm very straightforward to with my clients.

0:21:44 - Uncle Marv

So we just have a discussion and then tell me what opened up for them All right and all sounds great and basically we're going to, you know, figure out, you know, if people have been spending years, you know, focusing on the past and are stuck and can't move forward, uh, you're going to be able to help them explore their feelings, their, you know, habits, habits, those repeating patterns and sorry and their needs.

0:22:20 - Elle Ebizadeh

A lot of people, uh, don't know the emotions that they have. I help them be, friend their emotions and sit with their emotions. If it's sadness, if it's happiness, whatever it is, it's okay to have those emotions to allow that to come out All right?

0:22:41 - Uncle Marv

Well, that all sounds fantastic and we'll be diving into all of that in the upcoming weeks. Uh, let me ask this, Do you? This is a weird thing that just came to mind, but do you have people create vision boards?

0:22:59 - Elle Ebizadeh

Um, I, I mean, I have people that I work with. They did have the vision board, yes, but that's not what I kind of do.

0:23:13 - Uncle Marv

All right, I don't. For some reason that stuck out of my mind. I didn't do it. That's not something you did. A vision board? No, I did not, but I do know of somebody that went through a relationship session and that's what they did. They actually created this board and it had. I mean, I didn't see it, so I'm just going by what they told me. But they talked about, you know, putting in the circles of what they wanted and you know doing the lines and the arrows back and forth and things of that nature.

0:23:45 - Elle Ebizadeh

So yes, yes, I have seen that too In the process that I work with my clients. It's going deep into exactly to know what they want, and we actually have them write an intention. So even from the first session, I asked them what's your intention for us working together? And then we go first by that and then the intention of how the relationship, what kind of relationship, you want to bring to your life. What is that intention? What is, what are you looking for? So, yes, it's kind of vision board, but we don't have a board, but we write it down.

0:24:30 - Uncle Marv

Sometimes my mind just sticks with something, and that's where we were. I want to go back to one more thing and then we'll go ahead and wrap up here. But you talked about, in one of the steps of calling in the one, the option to choose to be happy, and I know that and I'll just use this as an example. I was talking with a staff person at one of my clients and I don't know. We just got on to how their day was going and they started talking about well, I got up and I came to work just to see what happens. And I'm like you know, you don't just show up and wait to see what happens. You make a choice as to whether you're going to be in a good mood or not. I mean, and it was funny where there a lot of people are just kind of like no, you know, life just happens and I'll just deal with it. But it sounds like there's a lot more things that we can do in choosing, you know, our happiness and our path and making things better.

0:25:35 - Elle Ebizadeh

Yes, exactly, we are very. I mean. I invite everybody to be open to understanding that. I always say I'm a miracle maker. So if a miracle maker knows how to maneuver over life and even walking out the door in the morning, you can choose to have think of having a great day, a happy day or not a happy day, it's just all in your thoughts.

0:26:06 - Uncle Marv

Right Now, for anybody listening, don't send me an email or message and say well, Marv, what if something bad happens? Yes, things happen. You can't control. You know everything that comes at you, whether it's good or bad, but you can control how you react.

0:26:23 - Elle Ebizadeh

Exactly, exactly.

0:26:25 - Uncle Marv

That's what we'll talk about. Well, coach L, I'm going to put a link into your website, heart to heart coaching, for people that are listening and haven't. You know, went into the show notes. It's heart to heart in the heart, with the number two in between. So heart to heart coaching, and you can go see what Coach L and I are talking about. You can look at services recommendations, and you actually put a lot of the books on there. Yes, so a favorite book out of what's on your site there, or another book maybe that's not there.

0:27:03 - Elle Ebizadeh

I have. Actually, the map of consciousness is my favorite book and it's. It gives you a map of where you are, depending on what your emotions are. It's interesting. I really recommend it to anybody that's looking to self-improvement and understanding who they are. Take a look at.

0:27:25 - Uncle Marv

All right, we're going to have to have to get a link to that, because that was not on the site.

0:27:29 - Elle Ebizadeh

So no, I saw it. I'll put it on there also.

0:27:32 - Uncle Marv

Okay.

0:27:33 - Elle Ebizadeh

And if anybody is interested in the course, in how, to date, successfully, send me an email and I'll be happy to email it to you.

0:27:46 - Uncle Marv

And we'll have a link so that you can do that and get in touch with Coach L and go from there. Well, Coach, thanks for hanging out and look forward to spending a few weeks with you down the road.

0:27:59 - Elle Ebizadeh

Thank you so much, Mark.

0:28:00 - Uncle Marv

All right. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for hanging out and tuning in to the unhealthy podcast. Hope you enjoyed today's episodes just the beginning, and each week I'm going to try to help you learn something new and we're always going to try to improve your health and happiness. And remember that living healthy is the key to being happy. Take care of your physical, mental and spiritual health and check out the website for more information and resources on www.UnHealthyPodcast.com. And until next time. Until next time, Live Healthy and Be Happy!