Living Love Fulfilled (Calling in the One - Week 7)

00:11 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Hello friends, Uncle Marv here with another episode of the unhealthy podcast. Our goal is to live healthy and be happy in all areas of life and we are continuing our series and calling in the one with coach L, and I think we are I think this might be the last week. Week seven, coach how are you? 

00:36 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
doing. Hi everybody, I wanted to. Actually it's a couple of days after Valentine's Day, so happy Valentine's. I hope you had a great time, even if you didn't have a special someone to celebrate. I hope that you celebrated with yourself, giving yourself a gift or a treat or anything that you like. So, because loving yourself is part of the journey to get that special person. You know, opening up so that a special person will come to your life. 

01:11 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Nice, nice, yep, it is. It was a good Valentine's Day for me. I hope it was for everyone else. And what a good way to end this series right around Valentine's Day and week seven entitled living love fulfilled. So our last visit we talked about a life worth living and basically identifying, you know, ways to align yourself with your future and all of that stuff. So, coach, tell us, what does week seven really mean when it talks about living love fulfilled? 

01:50 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
So it's now the week seven. It's all about what you have learned about yourself and what you like to manifest in your life, in your love life and your life based on understanding who you are. What was has been your limiting belief that you discovered and now looking and seeing and feeling the present possibilities that is coming to your life, Are you ready? Are you willing to look at them and see? These are the new possibilities that you are manifesting. What has changed throughout this six weeks that you went deep inside and found out exactly what has been holding you back? What was your limiting beliefs about yourself, about relationships, about love, about past experiences and looking and seeing if you're with new possibilities that is presenting to you that, are you able to see it, feel it and actually recognize it? A lot of my clients, when they get to this point, they truly look different when we talk on Zoom. 

03:11 - Marvin Bee (Host)
All right. So, looking back when we talked about the difference between week six life worth living and week seven, does there come a point where we try to look at some practical ways that we can show this love to others? We spent a lot of time on ourselves but is there a way that we can actually show that practically to the people around us or to the one yes. 

03:40 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
So there is now when you kind of worked on yourself and understand and you love in yourself, it would be easier and more you can be, you'll be more open to express your love and Love others because you have found out exactly where you are in your life and where you want to go in that, the love that you're going to bring to your life. So, yes, it's going, it's, it's becoming easier, you become generous with the love and you know, generous with Giving love and getting love. Before it was all those negative Feelings that you had from the past experiences, but now it's a different Way of being because you have actually made peace with those feelings. So it's becoming much more easier to look and see and feel when you are loving yourself and being able to love others. 

04:48 - Marvin Bee (Host)
So you had mentioned earlier. You know it's a time to look at what has changed, so I Assumed that there's a way to go back and, you know, Look at notes that were taken and kind of do a comparison where I was, where I am, and that sort of a thing. What should people expect when it comes to looking back? Are your people usually surprised at how far they've come? 

05:22 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Yes, so I can give you an example. I had a client that Was not into very interactive with people and then we did some exercises that she will be more Open and smile more, even just invite people just saying hello. So at the last and she wrote me a testimony at the end and it was interesting to see that kind of young lady, who was really not very inviting, that bring people to their love because of the past experiences that she had in Interactions with her boyfriend in the past. So this time she exercised and she really Interacted with people from that deeper part of her that wanted to open herself up to receive love Without her walls that being up there all the time. So I mean her face even changed. I the third or fourth time that we had a conversation, the sessions that we had, she looked different. 

06:35
She you know, when you're deeply happy with who you are and your life around you, you look different, you smile more. There is a different way that you Kind of represent yourself. So, yes, there is, and people around you will tell you Did you have? What have you done to yourself? Did you lose weight or did you? I don't know. It was just like she said that she said her friends were saying okay, what has changed in you? Because there is nothing that you can put a finger on, it's just the emotions within that has changed. 

07:13 - Marvin Bee (Host)
So and I imagine that that change not only will it cause people to ask those questions, but it also sounds like it would cause more of an attractiveness in terms of people you know now showing interest where they did not show before. 

07:34 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Maybe yes, exactly. And then in this section we also talk about how to expand from me to us and because a lot of people, because of those hurts in the past, it's just they go within, they don't open themselves up to invite people to their life. And then we there's a section in the book that we talk about look and see if you have expanded yourself from me to we and if you're open to do that, and it's just those feelings that you have in the past changes because you're happier inside and you're not looking from outside to be that content, happy person. 

08:29 - Marvin Bee (Host)
So I know that by this point in time people should know what we're talking about in terms of the book, but the series is called Calling in the One and this is actually a book of that same title seven weeks to attract the love of your life, and that's the book. And obviously we've had links in the show notes and Coach L is certified. Are you considered an instructor or just simply a coach? 

09:02 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Just simply a coach I'm. I've actually recently got another certification, but that's another thing. But yes, calling the one unconscious on coupling, yes. 

09:16 - Marvin Bee (Host)
The book by Catherine Woodward Thomas and again we'll have links in the show notes and it's. It's a great book when it goes into the seven or more weeks, if it takes a little longer to get through these things. Weeks three, four and five are kind of like a man corner of the master's tournament. It's a little tougher for some right. 

09:39 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Yes, exactly. And then I mean this last one is we actually kind of looking back and see where they are? We talked about forgiving yourself and forgiving others. So we question well, where are you able to? Who are those people that you would like to forgive and have you been? Would you be able to do that? Have you, you know, get to that space that you can? Some people, it takes them, you know, 10 sessions to go through the step by step. Some people think it's faster. It just be depending on the traumas or the experiences that they had in the past and how open they are to really go deep. 

10:24 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Yeah, Now I didn't press you on a lot of the sessions and a lot of the activities. But let me go back and ask if, if you were supposed to forgive, say, seven people on the list that you made back in week, what was that? Week four or week three? 

10:48 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
No no. 

10:50 - Marvin Bee (Host)
week two, week four week four yeah. So let me ask can you, can you get to week seven? If you aren't able to complete that forgiveness act for all seven people? Maybe you've got five of the seven done. 

11:05 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Yeah, that's fine. I mean, the main thing is to forgive yourself. You know that, um, I think we talked about that self-love, that mirror work that you tell yourself that you love I love you in the morning. That part is the essential part, because people who cannot say that, that I love you to themselves in the morning, there is something deep inside that doesn't let them do that. That means that they're in love themselves. 

11:38
So there are that forgiveness part, if, even if they have done anything in the past, uh, and that part of forgiving yourself. That's a key first step to forgiving others, because then and you don't have to forgiving others it's based on if you have, if you want to have that interaction with them, if somebody, if your family member that you want to have that interaction with, then the second key is to put boundaries, uh, from now on, because you haven't done it in the past, uh, and it will make that a relationship easier and more fulfilling. And asking yourself if I would like to do this, say that, go there. You know before you that in do you, do you interact with those people that you want to forget, that you have forgiven? 

12:35 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Right. So at this point too, I have to ask also people get to week seven. They've experienced this radical change. Life is happier. What are some things? Or do you have exercises in the book, or in a workbook or something, to provide boundaries or guardrails so that we don't slip back? Um, in a sense, because I'm thinking that, you know, we may think that we're there, we've arrived, uh, but we don't obviously want to fall back into, you know, self-sacrifice. It isn't the right phrase, but I'm trying to think of something where we've become enlightened ourselves and we know how to free ourselves, but we don't want to strangle what we have going forward, right. 

13:28 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Right, so you're talking about patterns, so you don't want to go to the old pattern. 

13:32 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Right. 

13:33 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Uh, yes, so it's Marv, it's everyday work. It's uh, I still do that, I still meditate, I still go for a walk just to make sure that I'm consciously stepping into the day and having specific boundaries for the people that I work with or I interact with. It's just being very conscious and asking yourself on a daily basis that if I want to do this or not, and if something happens and you feel that sadness, the anger, whatever feeling that you get, it's okay. Just understand the exercise that we did in week three understanding your feelings, befriending your feelings. Sit with your feelings. There is those exercises that we worked on before that they always can use. So, yes, it's an everyday work. That's all I can say. 

14:50 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Okay, and just in case somebody has stumbled upon the podcast out of order, just to recap quickly Week one is preparing for love. This is where we talked about identifying those patterns in life that have probably been holding you back. Week two completing your past, identifying internal resentments and experiences. Week three transforming your love identity, kind of looking at maybe those false beliefs, those anchors that may be keeping us disappointed. That was the word I was looking for. I love that. Week four setting your course and identifying those things not only holding you back but the things that you're willing to let go of. Week five first things first. Week six is a life worth living. And here we are, week seven living life, fulfilled. So obviously, day by day kind of, if we feel ourselves slipping, we can kind of go back and revisit any of these weeks. But what would be the next step going forward? It's not something where you got a piece of paper I graduated; I'm done. What are the next steps? 

16:25 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Yes. 

16:26
So I don't know if you remember or not, but we did an intention at the beginning of the work that we're doing together, or when you read the book or work with me what's the intention, what is your intention? 

16:43
And my clients will write the intention After two weeks. Sometimes they change it, they update it or they add more stuff to it, and so I keep that intention with them for them, and when we start each session, I read that intention and I make sure that they remember and that's where they are. And so at the end of our sessions like seven or 10 or whenever is the last one we look at the intention again and if they want to change anything or keep that intention going. So that's the key of being the commitment that you give to yourself, that I'm committed to stay the course, stay loving with who I am and opening myself up to receive love. So it's a commitment. So we look at the commitment and maybe they can jot down the commitment at the end of the sessions and make sure every day they look at and that's the commitment that they have to themselves. 

18:00 - Marvin Bee (Host)
All right. So along with commitment comes accountability to some degree. Do you have situations where some people they've gone through their seven weeks but they want to check in from time to time and assess where they are and get some guidance? 

18:21 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Yes, I do have some people that I have some clients every day would like to meet on a monthly basis. And you know, whatever comes up, we process, we talk about it Because it's a process, that's, it's that we can. You know, when we talk about it becomes more open, easier to digest. So, yes, so I do have some clients that they want to continue. 

18:55 - Marvin Bee (Host)
All right. When we started off before today's sessions, we talked about a journal that you can make available to people. Tell us about the journal. 

19:12 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
I call it a discovery journal. This is the journal that they can use, that they would. You know. It's questions that they can ask themselves and write in their journal, and it's a discovery journal about who they are, where they want to go and what they want to manifest in their life. I'd be happy to actually give you the link so you can offer it to complementary to their listeners. 

19:39 - Marvin Bee (Host)
All right Now. This sounds like something that probably should have been done before starting the seven weeks, but is that something that could be done at any time? 

19:51 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Yes, because you know we change, maybe another year or two years. We are intention changes, so the discovery can be used anytime. Yes, it would be nice to start with that discovery journal, but then you can use it every month, every six months, every year. 

20:14 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Yes, I'm sorry. That just made me think of something that I was going to ask you before. I know that in a lot of these we talked about the things that we've identified in what we want in terms of expectations, in terms of disappointments. I don't know if I've asked you this and if you remember that I did, you can let me know. But what if we found out that we're the ones that are the problem, we're the ones that are either too demanding or, you know, I don't want to say abusive, but what if we're the ones that are causing all the roadblocks to other people? How do I mean, is that sort of the type of stuff? Do you get to that in some of these earlier weeks? Because we've always talked about what we want to attract, but just for some reason, we just now thought what are we putting out? 

21:15 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Exactly. So, yes, we talk about that on week three. So those limiting beliefs, let's say, when you said I am not, everybody leaves me, I'm not good enough, something you know, those negative beliefs that we have. It's different for different people. So this is the time that we look and see how it was these negative beliefs about ourselves that has come. We kind of grabbed it and called it for like 20, 30, 40 years, and it's usually from those younger past experiences, from those childhood traumas that we had or anything that at that time. So we talk about week three. So, cup of tea. 

22:10
Now you said what's the percentage. Yes, so let's say, if I say that I nobody, I'm not good enough or nobody wants to associate with me, and then we look at the behavior of that person and we'll see if, if somebody says that I'm always alone, we look at it and we see, oh my god, when people invite you to go to the party, if you want, if you, they invite you to go to different places, you don't go out of ten times. Maybe you go one time. So that's why, when you say that you feel alone, that me, that 2% is yours, because you then put the step forward to associate with other people to interact, and that's why I mean people ask you to go out or have interaction with you once tries. If you had asked you ten times and you say no, they're not going to ask you anymore. So that's what it is. Yes, there's 2%. Usually it's on our side that you can see. You know what Marv? 

23:25 - Marvin Bee (Host)
it's more we go deeper with when we talk about it in the conscious how coupling, oh, yes, I hope I never have to go through that, but that should be a journey that you and I talk about for people that are going through that struggle and you know having to make that decision, how to do it in a healthy way yes, so I mean I can give you an example of me. 

23:51 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
It's, I'm okay with that okay so when I went through my journey and looked at my interaction with my ex, I realized that I never communicated what my needs are, and I was not able because I didn't know what my needs are, first of all. Second of all, and if I knew, I was not able to communicate. Because of my past experience I felt that I have to give without receiving and I wanted to make sure that that he would stay with me. So I gave and gave, you know, over gave. That was my mistake. So that was my mistake that I did not. So when I realized that it was just like a new opening in my life, as my god, no wonder why this didn't work out, because I never said anything about my needs. I always said, okay, what do you need and I would fulfill it. And that was it. A lot of people are people pleaser, like me? 

25:08 - Marvin Bee (Host)
not anymore, but yes well, and that's kind of a stereotype that we grew up with, where women were always sacrificing themselves and making sure that the man was happy instead of making sure that yes but mine was a little bit different. 

25:33 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
I can give you my story. But yes, you're right, it's. It's known that women are there and that's what they do. But mine was a little bit deeper than that. When I was six. I'm, you know, my. I'm originally from Iran. My grandmother, which was my first caregiver, actually, like my mother, left Iran, moved to US without telling me. So I realized I found out later that she moved to another country, and so what happened was I? My assumption, because she left me, was that you know, whoever I love, they're going to leave me. So I do anything and everything for them to not to leave me. So that was my, my negative part of under that, my assumption from that. 

26:36 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Wow, was that a recurring thing that happened, where people in your life just disappeared or left or was it just? 

26:46 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
manifested yeah, so it was in my head. I would manifest it and then a lot of times I would leave them before, because anything small thing happens, I would leave them before they leave me, because I would. I was wondering if they're going to leave me. 

27:02 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Yeah, that was my pattern hmm, yeah that makes sense, where a lot of people who date and date, and date and then never commit because they're just afraid of getting to that point where, well, yes, once I commit, it'll be over yes, yeah, so we have to look and see. 

27:28 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Yeah, exactly, so it's a deeper reason always very interesting. 

27:36 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Yeah, coach, I'm glad you shared that. 

27:39
Thank you sure, yeah, so, folks, that's the type of stuff you can get when you head over to heart to heart coaching dot org and sign up to go through this and for real and get yourselves on track, calling in the one. There's so many things that you know. Trying to go back and look at all the things we've talked about and we just certainly did not get into them as deep as we could have but basically, turning obstacles, disappointments into opportunities, discovering how to show up radiant, irresistible yeah, I'm being grateful for all you have. 

28:32 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
Yeah, yeah, yeah all right. 

28:36 - Marvin Bee (Host)
So what else can people find out when they head over to your website there? 

28:41 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
heart to heart coaching dot org yes, I have two different coaching modalities, actually three now but the new thing is that I put together I call it love mastery, calling in the one journey. It's a 12 week program that it's for four to six people as a group program that we meet every week and we go deep and we also offer them. I also offer them two one-on-one for the week three, which is, you know, going deep, and also maybe the week six or seven, the end portion of the, or the week 10 or 12, the last portion of it. So this is what I put together. Usually what happens is when you're in a group and people share, it's a very, you know, small group, very confidential, and when you, when you share it's and you hear other people's stories, it makes more impact. So that's why I put that together. It's a group program. Whoever is interested, they can, you know, set up a time with me so we can talk about it in a deeper portion of it, and I'm excited and that's on the website now no, no, not yet. 

30:15
I just did a workshop, not yet. I did a workshop yesterday introducing it to the people who came to the workshop. So I'm working on it. It's going to going to launch it in the end of. 

30:31 - Marvin Bee (Host)
March. Okay, well, people can just head over to the website and schedule a free call and get more information on that and get on the path to creating a healthy, happy love yes all right. So we'll definitely make a note here to remind people of that and to get a link to yourself Discovery Journal, and then we're going to have to come back and go ahead and go through that conscious uncoupling yes, yes, I mean it's a lot of. 

31:10 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
I had a couple of clients that they were divorced for many years and decided that love is not for them and part of it is they haven't kind of finished that interaction in their head, in their heart, with that X. So it's the conscious uncoupling is for them. Or people who are in a relationship and questioning if they're going to stay or not. So there's different version of people that can use this and we can talk about it when we start the podcast on it not to get too ahead of ourselves, but we'll. 

31:53 - Marvin Bee (Host)
You and I will talk later down the road about that, but right now it's finishing up the calling in the one and making sure that again, if you've caught this episode and you haven't gone back and listened to the previous weeks, head over to unhealthy podcast calm and just simply do a search for all the episodes featuring coach L and go back and listen to them in order, and I'm sure you'll find some great knowledge there. Well, coach, this has been great thank you so much, Marv. 

32:28 - Elle Ebizadeh (Guest)
I appreciate that. Thank you everyone for listening and make sure that you know that you you're here to love and be loved all right, thank you very much and that's going to do it. 

32:43 - Marvin Bee (Host)
Folks, we thank you very much for continuing this journey with us and, as I mentioned at the start of the show, the goal here is to live healthy, be happy in all areas of life that includes relationships and to hope that you found some, some value in this and we will see you guys later. Remember to head over to coach L's website, heart to heart coaching dot org. And get the information there and continue your journey. And that's going to do it and we'll see you soon and until next time, Holla!