Business, Life and ADHD with Cat Orsini

[Uncle Marv]
Hello friends, Uncle Marv here and welcome to the Unhealthy Podcast where we dive deep into health, but in a much different way than you're used to. It's not just about the typical diet and exercise tips that people have. We talk about all things holistically.

And this show started out as something that it would be me talking about my journey, but I told you that along the way I would find other people who I think have a journey similar and you know, they turn their unhealthy life into a healthy life. So we're going to talk about that and we're going to talk about embracing your entire self, mind, body, and spirit. I have with me today a, I'm going to call her a friend, even though that's not how we started out.

We were meeting on a, was it a podcast mixer? Is that what it was called in the beginning?

[Cat Orsini]
Yup. Yup.

[Uncle Marv]
Okay. So I have with me Cat Orsini and she's a marketing gal and really does a lot of stuff around business and marketing and growing your network and turning it into a net worth. But every now and then she drops little things in the mixer that I'm like, Ooh, wait a minute.

That's a personal thing and I want to hear more about it. So I asked her to come on the show and talk about that and that's what we're going to do. So welcome Cat.

[Cat Orsini]
Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

[Uncle Marv]
So now that I've done that introduction, let me first ask you when you hear me talk about that and the fact that you drop little nuggets here and there, do other people ever approach you outside of the mixer and say, um, what did you mean by that or how did you do this?

[Cat Orsini]
Yeah. I, you know, I think, uh, you know, the more we share about ourselves and the more that we show up in, in our allness, right? So there's a, there's a lot of too muchness and not enoughness from my past.

Um, and I've just come into this place of, of my allness, uh, in, in my space and time right now. Um, and I really, you know, growing up, it was very much, you know, you, you were taught or I was taught, you know, you separate your personal, you separate your private, you separate, you know, professional, you have to show up a certain way. And I think, you know, it was, you know, five, eight years ago, something like that, where I just was like, I'm, I'm done.

I'm done trying to hold up these fake, uh, barriers cause they're not boundaries. They're not my boundaries. They're not, you know, they were imposed on me.

And I found that I made so much more of a deeper connection when I just brought all of me to the conversation. And, and, uh, yeah, I get approached a lot of time to ask and people sharing, like, thanks for sharing that. You know, it's, uh, people don't show up this way and, um, it encourages me, but you know, it's also really scary sometimes to, to open up, um, at the level that I do sometimes with perfect strangers and instances.

[Uncle Marv]
Yeah. It's, uh, it's interesting. So you, you know, initially always came across somebody who wasn't really worried about what people thought, whether it was about your hair, uh, about how you spoke or anything like that, which I'm fine with.

I, I'm the same way in a sense where I don't do my daily stuff, worrying about what people feel about me. I mean, granted in the background, we kind of do, um, especially, yeah, I mean, I want to get clients. I want the clients I work with to be happy.

So I do want them to like me. I just don't want them to get up all in my business.

[Cat Orsini]
Yeah. Yeah. Um, there's been a lot of people pleasing that I've, you know, and I think there's a socialization component to, um, depending on all kinds of components, but you know, definitely felt on my side of having to accommodate other people, having to, you know, subdue personalities.

I mean, you know, wearing certain masks just to make everybody else more comfortable, um, and to not be too much. Right. Um, and yeah, I just, I found that again, just being myself allowed for me to find those amazing, awesome people faster.

And it really, uh, kind of lends itself to, you know, yeah, you know, kind of going a little fluffy, like, you know, be the change you want to see in the world. It's just be the example, be the person you want to attract more of. And so if I was willing to just show up as myself, then I could attract more of those kinds of people, those kinds of clients, those kinds of connections into my life, into my business in all different kinds of ways.

[Uncle Marv]
All right. So, so for somebody listening, thinking, okay, what are we going to get to? So I'm going to lay out a couple of what I, I mean, they're not topics.

Don't think of them like that, but things that I've noticed that you've spoken about that, uh, we'll see if you talk about them here today, but, uh, from the business standpoint, I know that you talked about, you know, having to, uh, move away from the, the bro marketing in terms of the expectations of how you should be in business, whether that's just the marketing business, a female in business, uh, you have mentioned, uh, weight loss as part of your journey and you actually openly talk about a divorce that you went through.

So those are the three things that pop out to me, but of course, I'm going to let you start where you want to start.

[Cat Orsini]
Yeah. I mean, you know, kind of, I guess we started at the beginning. I was born.

Um, so I, I grew up with five sisters. So there are six of us. I was the, and we kind of came in a first set of four and then there was a two that at the end, so there was four of us and there's an eight year gap between number four and number five.

Okay.

[Uncle Marv]
Not quite.

[Cat Orsini]
Not quite.

[Uncle Marv]
Okay.

[Cat Orsini]
I would have probably a very different personality if that was the case. Maybe not. Right.

So I screen middle child syndrome. Um, so I was forgotten and unloved. Right.

Um, and I can hear all of my family rolling their eyes, but there is something, you know, somewhat to the birth order component. Um, so, you know, I, my two older sisters, after they left to go to college, I was roughly 12, 13 and my two youngest sisters were two and one. So I went from being the middle child to then being kind of the eldest child and being responsible.

Um, I had a lot of trauma, um, in school to the point where in fourth grade I was eating lunch in the bathroom, um, no friends being bullied and all kinds of things. And I can talk about it very easily and effortlessly because I've done the inner work. I've done EMDR, I've done therapy and lots of it.

And I am a lifelong, uh, therapy client candidate and I have no problem with that. But over the course of time through different experiences, I basically ended up being 22 years old and 320 pounds. And that had a lot to do with, you know, going to food for comfort, uh, for numbing, um, you know, eating to the point of, of pain, uh, just to, to kind of escape my reality.

I did have gastric bypass, uh, when I was 22 years old, it happened very quickly. Um, the stars kind of aligned, it had just been approved by insurance. My mother reached out and said, you need this.

And I, I couldn't fight anymore. Um, and, and I was just like, okay, whatever. Um, because gastric bypass felt like giving up, um, felt like I couldn't do it on my own and I wasn't strong enough.

And I had 22 years showing me that I couldn't really do it on my own. Um, but one of the biggest things with gastric bypass and there's a, you know, it's something like a 23% success rate, which, you know, statistically looking at the other side, then that means that there's a do the math, whatever fail rate. Um, but what happens is, is gastric bypass doesn't actually go to the root cause.

It's a superficial fix to something that's much deeper. Um, and so I had addressed some of that in therapy and I'd gotten down to, I think it was like I maintained right around 170, now I'm five nine and I carry my weight well. Um, and shortly after that, I, uh, kind of started stepping into my worth.

I ended up getting married, um, had three kids through IVF and through the three pregnancies, I went back from 170 up to 233. Yes. Very specific number.

Cause I remember getting on that scale and thinking, Oh no, this is too close to three 20. Um, and so I kind of, you know, started trying to work out and, uh, try to figure things out. Now there had been ups and downs between that one 70 to two 33, right?

Like I'd worked out with a trainer at one point, I found out I had a hypothyroid issue and that was causing me to not be able to lose weight when I was putting in effort, you know, things like that. Um, and I drastically dropped weight. It was, there was a couple of components.

One, I was on a medication that I didn't realize caused weight gain. Um, and I had been on it for decades and no one had ever said, Oh, by the way, watch out, this is a very known side effect that I apparently didn't know about. Um, and so I got that in control and I started really looking at not having to diet, right.

Or exercise but really looking at what would bring me joy and fulfillment. And instead of trying to focus on some kind of arbitrary balance, it was really more about creating harmony, harmony within myself, harmony in my environment. Um, and so, yeah, and then through that process of losing weight and doing some more self-reflection and doing some insight work, um, it just became apparent that I was in a marriage where I wasn't happy.

And I was becoming a version of myself that I swore I'd never would become. And it, you know, it was things that I had experienced that I was starting to not want to exude in terms of behavior, in terms of being, you know, impatient with my kids and not being fully present, being super stressed with my business and things like that. And so I, I asked for a divorce and went through that process.

And, you know, it's, uh, it's not a fun process and I, I always admire couples who are able to do it, um, in a more, uh, grounded way, but there's a lot that you learn about yourself and, you know, you get insights and now there's a healthy co-parenting process in place. Uh, the kids are doing really well. Uh, even recently I've tapped into a new way of being able to connect with my kids and I'm just seeing a night and day difference in terms of how they're showing up in the world, how I'm showing up.

And it's just, I could not be happier than I am right now. And I've said that every single day, every single year, even since I've been divorced and it's always true. And I'm always amazed at how much more joy my heart can hold and receive.

And it's just an amazing place to be in life right now.

[Uncle Marv]
Nice, nice. So of course, I've got a lot of questions, but let's work backwards. Um, when you went through the divorce, how old were the kids?

[Cat Orsini]
Uh, they were, uh, eight, six and four and like, yeah, four. Yeah. Something like that.

Yeah. So four, four, not a four, sorry, four, seven and nine. And so they are 10, eight and five now.

And they're just turning into 11, nine and six in these next couple of months. So yeah, it's been two years.

[Uncle Marv]
I was going to say that's more recent than I thought it was. I thought this was years ago.

[Cat Orsini]
Yeah, no, no. They're and they're young and they're, they're, you know, just kind of like in the pandemic, you know, not taking away from frontline workers, but the heroes of the pandemic too, are the children, um, and how they just never missed a beat. And I think that, you know, there's a lot that we want to do to take care of our kids, but they're also a lot more resilient than we sometimes give them credit for.

[Uncle Marv]
All right. The reason I asked about that, which now means nothing, because I was going to say that I am a product of divorce. My parents got divorced.

I was the oldest of three and at age 12, you know, things drastically changed and my sisters. Yeah. I mean, kudos to them for putting up with me because it was not, it was not easy.

[Cat Orsini]
Well, my parents got divorced when I was 15. Well, they were separated and they were separated in the house beforehand. And then they were, uh, they didn't get actually like get the divorce filing, but they would lived in two separate houses when I was 15.

So very familiar with that stage and having been a product of that environment too.

[Uncle Marv]
Okay. Um, the, the weight stuff that you were going through, um, I guess I should ask from the beginning because I'm not sure how it correlates, but was weight part of the bullying that you were experiencing growing up?

[Cat Orsini]
Okay. Yeah. You know, I, I look back at pictures now and I go, you know, I've seen obese kids and, and been like, oof, like, I feel bad for that child because I can't imagine what their heart is going through and kind of, you know, what their body has to, to bear literally in terms of weight and, and, and going through.

And I look back at pictures of myself that, you know, at my mom's house, she has the, you know, old school photo albums. And I'm like, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't even big. I mean, there were instances, but, and I was big later on, but the bullying that happened when I was at school until, you know, it was, you know, all the way through, um, because I went into the, I went to the French school growing up and then I went into the American system for high school.

So, um, all the way through, uh, eighth grade, I looked at pictures and I was like, there's nothing that is really standout ish, but we also were growing. I went to school in a time where heroin chic was the aesthetic to achieve. Right.

Um, and so there was a lot of programming, a lot of things that were put on me that were unnecessary. And it's one of the things that, you know, uh, whether you pray or you connect to universe source broccoli, whatever it is, the one thing I always ask for is that my children never have to suffer needlessly. I understand suffering.

It helps us appreciate joy, but I felt that there was a lot of needless suffering that I went through. Um, and I could have still been an amazing person without having to go through all of that. Um, but yeah, it was, it was very early on.

I remember, um, and I grew up in a time where, uh, dietitians, uh, and you know, health practitioners that focused on weight was still very new. So the, you know, this is the eighties, right. Um, and it, they did a lot of harm.

One of the things that I remember was I was on a different diet than the rest of my family. Um, and so what that meant was, you know, my sisters could have dessert and I had to sit there and watch them. I wasn't allowed to have it.

They could have second helpings. I was not allowed. When I was growing up, there was this shake butter.

It was just pure chemicals and it was this artificial butter that you could shake onto food and it was supposed to taste like butter. It had a horrible taste. There may have been a hint of butteriness right to it.

But I remember that I had separates, right? Everything was separate. It was clear that I was different and that the different was wrong.

And that caused a really bad relationship with food for me. And so what ended up happening is, is I ended up binging. So, you know, my sisters would get a different lunch than I would.

So they would get fruit roll ups and they'd get chips and they'd get like, you know, a dessert of some kind and they'd get a good sandwich. Whereas I had celery sticks and maybe an apple and you know, some, something that just wasn't appealing. And so food became this forbidden fruit in a way.

And so when my dad would go grocery shopping and he'd been, he'd bring back the fruit roll ups, I would go and eat six of them, right? Cause there was a box of eight. And part of it was, is I didn't know if I would ever get a chance to have the food again.

And so I had to gorge on it. And I remember hiding like the bags under my bed, like dumb place to hide it. But apparently I thought it was really an awesome place.

[Uncle Marv]
That's where kids hide things.

[Cat Orsini]
Right. And I remember, and actually I just remembered this just now I'm saying this is I remember getting caught. And so what I would do is whenever I ate something, I would go in the trash and I would pick up some of the trash and I'd put the wrappers further down in the trash so you wouldn't see it on the top.

So it became this very hide and seek kind of game. And it was just about this. I know that I'm different and not in a good way and they get that.

So that means that they're special. And so being thin ended up becoming this like on a pedestal kind of thing. That was this desire that I never felt I would be able to achieve.

[Uncle Marv]
Hmm. Now you had mentioned that your parents had to do this with you. Now, is this at the advice of the dietitians?

[Cat Orsini]
Like, is this directly under the advice of the dietitian? I would go to the dietitian meetings with my mom. She'd have a meeting with both of us.

Then I would go in there and she'd teach me about foods and fruits and vegetables. I was young, like, you know, eight, something like that. Like it was pretty early quote unquote intervention.

Um, and then my mom would have a one-on-one meeting. Um, and I don't always remember hearing everything that they were talking about. Cause I'd be sitting right outside the room, but it always felt bad, right?

It wasn't this fun experience. It was this getting lectured and, and it just made doing the quote unquote, right thing less appealing.

[Uncle Marv]
Wow. So that obviously shaped a lot of, you know, what you talked about with, you know, food becoming that, you know, quote unquote comfort food that we all talk about, where whatever you're going through, there's a food that matches the mood.

[Cat Orsini]
Happy to eat. I mean, it's like smoking, right? You know, when you're happy, you smoke.

When you're sad, you smoke. When you need this, you smoke. And I'd gotten into that when I was a teenager, um, when I was 15.

And, uh, yeah, but it was like that with food. If you're, you're sad, you eat, if you, whatever emotion, it didn't matter if it was positive or negative, it was eat and get away and escape.

[Uncle Marv]
So in terms of now, because I mean, it's hard to talk about transitioning from what you grew up with, the gastric bypass and now trying to deal with food. Because the one thing you did mention is gastric bypass is not always successful and you still have to eat right and take care of your body. So how are you now in that respect with your relationship with, with food and how you deal with, with your weight?

[Cat Orsini]
Yeah. So I, I don't count calories. Uh, I remember, you know, several phases of doing that and just being utterly obsessed.

I had done weight watchers at one point. I mean, talk about whatever diet was out there, the grapefruit diet and all this other stuff. I even tried diet pills at one point.

Dexatrim. Remember those?

[Uncle Marv]
I hate to admit this, but I did a Dexatrim study in college.

[Cat Orsini]
Yep. Yeah. And so, yeah.

So my, my relationship with food is, um, one of non deprivation. So if there's something that I want, I have it. If I feel like I've been doing it a little bit too much, do I still weigh myself?

Yeah, I do. Um, if I see that, you know, there's a pound or two that went on, I check in with myself first. I'm like, all right, you know, I'm at PMS saying, am I bloated?

Like, you know, what's going on? Is there a logical reason for this? Or have I, you know, been kind of overdoing it?

And then it's just making a new decision. So I have pizza and chocolate and, you know, whatever it is that I want when I want it, it's just about moderation. And so looking at trying to make better choices, not based off of because this is healthy, but because of how my body feels after I eat it.

So I don't feel great after eating a ton of junk, right? So I tend not to, but it doesn't mean that I don't eat it sometimes because I love me some chocolate, you know, milk chocolate any day, every day. And, and I do, I'll eat chocolate almost every single day, but I'm just having a little bit because that's enough to satisfy the craving versus the emotional need.

And I think a lot of it has to do with, I'm able to better be in command of my body. And it's not really control, but it's, it's the intention behind it, because I've done so much in terms of my own personal development and continue to engage with that. And I'm committed to continuously becoming a better version of myself.

[Uncle Marv]
Well, it sounds like you've learned to understand the relationship that you have with your mind to food and what you have with your body to your food. Right.

[Cat Orsini]
And it doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. Like I, it's not about perfection, but I think a lot of us, you know, it's that, you know, you don't go to the, so I don't, I don't work out really. And I haven't, but that doesn't mean that there's not an intention.

So I'm starting to do more yoga. I've always done a lot of walking. I have a dog, so that helps with, you know, getting out of the house and things.

But I also don't beat myself up for the ebbs and flows. It's winter time. I will do less walking in the winter.

I might not be as active. And so I just, instead of trying to fight my energetic rhythm, I try to embrace it and try to lean into what's going to support me best in this season of the year. So it might be eating a little bit less, or it might be saying, hey, I'm going to do, you know, a little bit more yoga, or I will play around with the kids more or something.

But it's really around trying to figure out what that harmony feels like and being gracious and loving towards myself versus that, you know, really aggressive, booming bully that was, you know, born in my brain and developed over time from all of the experiences that I've had.

[Uncle Marv]
Yeah. When it comes to some of the things that I've taken out of your sessions online, one of the things that seems to pop out is that you always talk about there needs to be this joy and play. And you always do it in a sense related to business.

[Cat Orsini]
Yeah.

[Uncle Marv]
But I want to ask you, are you applying that personally to yourself?

[Cat Orsini]
Oh my God. So play is my favorite energy. It is my essence.

And that is the reason that it's in the business is because it's part of me as who I am. And I talk about it so much in business because it's a place where most people forget to bring their toys or they forget that they have access to recess time and things like that. I am one of those moms that will roughhouse with my kids.

I get down on the floor. You know, I'm like, get off the swing. It's my turn.

I'm going down the slides, right? You know, we'll fall off the monkey bars, that kind of stuff because I want to be in the experience with them. I want them to see that we can be on the same level.

It's not me coming down to their level. It's not them having to adult too much. It's just about us being in the moment.

It's actually one of the things that I am very intentional about is I do it on purpose not to take too many pictures. And there's a lot of parents who are always taking pictures, pictures, pictures. And I love that.

And it's great. But I really try to be in the moment with them so that even though I may not remember it later on, I was present to it. And they'll remember me being present to them.

And so it's not just me capturing the moment for myself and my own edification, but to give them the gift of this is what it looks like when someone's really with you. And I think that that's something that a lot of us missed growing up because there's all these expectations and there's all this seriousness and there's this growing up and responsibility. And a lot of who I am now is probably having to kind of revitalize some of the things that I felt I missed out on.

But yeah, so play energy. It's the one thing when I'm dating, that's the first thing I start looking. I look for kindness is the first thing that I look for in someone.

And then I look to see how much of myself can I be, right? Can I be playful? Can I be silly?

Can I have the deep conversations too? And all those things. And this is that boundary blur, right?

Of I bring all of that into the business. And part of what I love doing with my clients and my community is reminding them that they can bring their whole selves into the business and they don't have to put on this persona of perfection or of other people's expectations. Because when you are in your allness, you attract people who want that same quality in their life.

And that's part of that creating a business that you love versus a business that's just generating revenue.

[Uncle Marv]
The next concept that I took note of is you talk about intention is powerful in setting clear expectations. So I'm going to ask you personally, obviously the gastric bypass was an event that happened. It wasn't something where you actually sat down and intended to make the change.

But was there stuff that happened either after that or going through the divorce that you actually sat down and thought about what is the intent of how you want to be, how you want to live, that sort of thing?

[Cat Orsini]
I think every big decision I've ever made has started with that exact question. And every time I feel off track or that I'm not achieving the things that I want, it starts with that question. It starts with, I literally take out my journal and I've got one right there and I start writing and processing.

And I think about who is it that I'm becoming or who is it that I'm wanting to become more of? And really looking at who that person is and how that person is living and who is in that person's life and that person is me, right? So who am I becoming?

Who am I attracting into my life? What am I wanting more of? What am I wanting less of?

Which means also, what am I willing to release? What am I tolerating? And so those are the things that I journaled on when I made the divorce decision.

It's not something that comes lightly. I mean, we have three kids together. The finances were very steady and I walked away from a dual income to a single income.

And it's not something that's easily done. It's not something where there's nobody who gets hurt in the process. And so, yeah, it's looking at every instance of as I'm becoming more and more of the person that I know I can become, it goes back to that question of being intentional and really leading with heart and that heart-mind connection.

Because there's a lot of looking at what's expected as society, what's expected by parents or other people that maybe you look up to. Their expectations have often shadowed a lot of people's opportunity in life. And so really challenging what I hold true.

And it happens all the time in relationships of all sorts, whether it's romantic or friendship or even my relationship with my children. I have to think about that intention of who do I want to be and question some of the things that I might even hold as truths to say, okay, well, the only way for me to do this is to do it like this. And a lot of what I learned in business and marketing was this is the way to do it.

This is the way to be successful. And same thing happened in life where for me it was get your MBA, get a high paying gig and have it be at a reputable firm and you're going to be happy. And I did that.

I got my MBA. I started working at Booz Allen Hamilton and I started getting promoted. I was doing everything that I was told would lead to happiness and that would bless me as being successful in other people's eyes, but I wasn't feeling it.

And so I had to go back and say, I was intentional. I meant to get my MBA. I meant to get this job here.

I meant to get promoted, but the intention wasn't in alignment with my own energetic tuning forth of impact. And so I had to look at my intention took me off path, not on accident, on purpose. How do I get back?

How do I get back to feeling alive and not just a cog in a wheel where I'm just going through the motions on a daily basis?

[Uncle Marv]
How would you describe this release and tolerate concept? Because I think it sounds easy, but I'm sure there's a lot of hard decisions there, right?

[Cat Orsini]
There are a lot of hard decisions and it has a lot to do, I think, with prioritization. So tolerating has a lot to do with self-worth and aligning yourself to how you want to live and whether or not you deserve that. So it's this worthiness and deserving aspect of it.

And there's a lot of mindset that comes into play and some of it is deeply ingrained. You know, I want to be loved, but I don't deserve that. I don't deserve to be this, this, this, or this based off of whatever experiences.

And I'm using extremes here, right? But part of working through that is finding the evidence. And you can find the evidence to support or contradict whatever it is you want your truth to be.

And a truth is a story and you can tell a different story. And how many times, you know, and I'll use like the typical dating example of, he didn't text back, she didn't text back, they didn't text back, oh my God, that means that they're dating someone else or they hate me or I said something or blah, blah, blah. Or you could just tell yourself they're busy and I could look at the evidence.

Have there been times where I've been busy and meant to text back? Yep. How many times has it been that I thought someone was a horrible person and that's why I didn't text back?

Maybe once, twice, right? What's the likelihood here, right? And so part of it is that is a trauma response.

And I have less of those because I've done the work. And so part of it is really looking at where are we putting our energy? How much of it is being wasted?

And, you know, are we tolerating things that we know we shouldn't be? And it doesn't mean that there aren't new instances where you kind of feel like you're starting back at square one, where you're like, oh, I handled that here, but dang it, over here, it feels like it's like a brand new muscle. So it's, and it is that, it's a muscle.

It's working it out and really standing in your worth and saying, this is how I deserve to live. And I believe I am worthy of living this way, regardless of some of the little gremlins that might be screaming. And in order to kind of allow them to calm down, because I don't want to say fight them.

There is value in what your gremlins, your saboteur, your negative voice is telling you. It's the shadow side. There is huge gift in being able to look at it and have a conversation and say, what is it that you need from me in order to feel better about this situation?

And I think that it's not about this fighting or this aggressive approach, but really kind of embracing all of you, which is, you know, if you want to categorize it as, you know, negative, positive, whatever, and really, again, finding the harmony and having the conversation and sounding a little schizophrenic, right? And leaning into what is it that I need in order to make a better decision? What is it that I need in order to feel confident about this?

What is it that I need in order to become this version of myself that has these things that I desire, even if in the moment I'm fighting it because of some past story or experience or something like that, we can hold that innate deservingness and worthiness as pure light. And what we're just trying to do is kind of dust off all the dirt that's been put on it over time.

[Uncle Marv]
So for my listeners out there, I'm going to go ahead and state now that if I were a better podcaster, I would have pre-recorded this and had all of these bullet points ready to summarize after the show saying, oh, if you're having this, think this. If you're having that, think that. But you guys can hear in her voice and you can surmise from yourself what resonates and what doesn't.

In terms of where you are now, I guess the first question and the simplest is, how do you feel?

[Cat Orsini]
Amazing. I knew this place was a place that was possible. And I knew that it would take making difficult decisions.

And there's still, I can still tap into the little girl who never thought it could be possible. She knew, it's this very interesting feeling of, I didn't think it could be possible, but I also knew it was. And it's amazing to me from where I've come, what I've been through, all the trauma that I've experienced.

And one of the things that people say, and I still struggle with this one, when they hear, because this is just the surface level of some of the things I've been through. They're like, what? You don't seem like someone who's gone through all of that.

And I was like, yeah, because I've done the work. And there's still more work to be done. And I embrace that.

I embrace that there's still things that I need to work through and cycles that I have the opportunity to break and trying to break as many as possible. I mean, as parents, we have a duty to keep therapists in business. So my kids, I'm sure we'll have things that they can complain about.

But the one thing I want to make sure of is that they've always felt loved. And I, as a mom and a business owner, it's not always me that has to do the loving. That was one thing that I learned early in my business.

And it really allowed me the freedom to be a business owner and a mom at the same time without having those two identities conflict. And so really being able to step into my label of myself, because that was one of the things that got lost over time. So we all have labels and it's not that we rip them off.

It's just sometimes one gets buried underneath all of them. So the label of cat of who I am and all of me got buried by mom and business owner and sister and friend and this and this and that. And through having come out of the divorce, I've been able to take that label and put it back on heart where it belongs and really lead in that way, which is just kind of the bud of the flower.

And so all the other labels are attachments to that singular piece of connection, which is all of those things are possible because I am me. And really loving all of myself and still working on not being a bully to myself, because it still happens. I still get knocked down.

There's still times where I am super judgmental or I look at myself and I go, oh, that's so gross or something like that. And my ability to come back from that is so much faster than it used to be, which then allows me to continue to move down my path in my way, in my choice, in the speed that I want.

[Uncle Marv]
So hearing that and letting listeners know, so you and I don't have anything to sell here. We're not asking them to join a program or do anything, but people are going to ask, how do you do it? If you could just summarize what you've been through and how it can help others, what would you say?

[Cat Orsini]
Personal development, hands down.

[Uncle Marv]
Do the work.

[Cat Orsini]
Do the work. And part of it is this is not about doing the work by yourself. Do the work with someone, right?

And so whether that's a therapist or whatever it is, create that and attract that army of supporters. I am a verbal processor. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD.

So I'm 42 and only got diagnosed something like eight, nine months ago, something like that. So I've lived my whole life. And as the overachiever that I am, I present both ways.

I'm inattentive and hyperactive, right? So the diagnosis helped me reframe a lot of my experiences. I still had a successful business.

I was still going to be successful in life. I was already happy and I was still going to become happier. But yes, I did get on medication for it.

And it has helped me from the sense of being able to harness my hyper fixations and be more intentional about it. But there's all this other stuff that I built before I got the diagnosis, having to manage through this my entire life completely unknowingly. And so I would really look at exploring and spending time on yourself.

You're worth it. And looking at who are those people who can support you, whether it's, I've called some of the most amazing people into my life in the last three years. It has been, and even in this last year, it's just like, I am so blessed.

The people that I've befriended, the intentionality behind, yes, I'm going to say it, making local friends. I have a lot of virtual friends, right? But making local friends has not been easy for me.

And as outgoing and personable as I am, I can get so intimidated in new situations. And I will shut down and I get super self-conscious and all this other stuff. Yeah, yeah, me, the outgoing extrovert, right?

But because my too muchness gets triggered. And I'm like, but they don't, and I don't understand their world. They don't understand my world because I'm all business all the time kind of thing.

So I have been very intentional this year about making in-person friends and it's happening. And it has brought so much joy. And I'm also willing to lean on people because I've been the source of people leaning onto.

And I've been there and I've been the friend that I've always wanted. And I hadn't received that friend in return. And now I am.

And so when I need to process, because I'm going back to the ADHD rabbit hole that I started on, I can go to different people. And I work through not apologizing anymore, being who I am. Hey, I need to process this again.

Is that okay? Not, hey, I'm sorry, right? It's just a different shift of just owning this is what I need in order to be able to move through something.

And understanding yourself at that level is a real gift because then you know what you need in terms of resources in order to get the support that you want. So maybe it's a therapist. Maybe it's, I did EMDR. That was absolutely life-changing for me. It helped me reprogram. Reprogram is not necessarily the right word. It helped me create a different relationship with my past trauma.

It didn't erase it. It didn't negate it. It didn't amplify it.

What it did was it is just a marker in my life. And so I can talk about things now without the trigger of an emotional response because it's been de-triggered is the best way of saying it. It doesn't activate me.

And if it does, I can look at it and I have the cognitive behavioral therapy skill sets to be able to move through that faster. And then anything new that happens, I have my resources. I have my therapist.

I have a great relationship with my mom. I have a great relationship with my dad now, right? I can go to different people for different things and ask for what I need and not feel like I'm imposing on anyone.

And I still check in. Hey, is this okay? Yeah, that's totally fine.

Great. Now I don't feel like I'm imposing and I can just be me. And so having those skill sets and that's the big thing is asking for what I want, right?

That's been a really awesome lesson and using my voice and not dominating in a way, but being okay with even if that happens, then that's fine. It's all a lesson learned. And the people around me love me and they'll just ask clarifying question.

Though that's the biggest thing. I'll get excited about this. The biggest thing that I have been doing lately is just, I'm going to cuss.

So just if you're listening, say the fucking thing. Just say the thing. If you have something that you want to ask someone, you have something that you want to say and you can't find the words and they're not right, just say it.

And trust that the person you're talking to is going to give you the space to clarify if you said it wrong. Give people the benefit of the doubt that if they're in your life and they're people you love and you enjoy being around them and all that other, those caveats, give them the benefit of the doubt that they're not there to hurt you, that they're not trying to be mean, that they're not trying to stealthily cut you with a thousand paper cuts, right? Give them the benefit of the doubt and just say the thing and work through it with them.

It is so much more freeing than anguishing about the thing in your head for hours or days or years or whatever it is. Just say the thing. If that was my one takeaway from this year, say the thing.

[Uncle Marv]
All right, I'll second that. I have a thing that I've had to do with people because I filter. And I, for a long time, would not say the first thing that came to my head because sometimes it wasn't appropriate or it made people feel a certain way.

And, you know, I had to learn, you know, obviously how to say it maybe better. But the problem would be trying to think it over in my head 10 times, 15 times. How do I say this?

How do I say this? Maybe I shouldn't say it. Well, here's the problem.

You spent all that time inside your head. You got to get it out. So you're right.

Yeah. All right. I was going to try to wrap this up in a nice, tidy little bow, but we just kind of went sideways there.

I do have one more question that I want to ask because you talked about self-diagnosing yourself ADHD years ago.

[Cat Orsini]
I was TikTok diagnosed. Yes.

[Uncle Marv]
What was it like to actually, just a few months ago, actually get diagnosed ADHD?

[Cat Orsini]
It was crazy. So I was 40 and sitting on the couch and my best friend was sitting next to me. And I have this amazing relationship with this person.

We've only actually ever met like four or five times in real life, but we're best friends. And she's my everything. She's...

Anyway, I could go on and on about her. But she was like, hey, watch this video. She happened to be visiting in the area.

And I look at the video and it was one of those, put your fingers down. And it was like 10 of them. And there was like, put your fingers down.

If you leave the cabinets open, put your finger down. If this, this, this, this. And I was listening to it and I was literally putting my fingers down.

And I was like thinking, why does this person know my secrets? Why does this person... Wait, other people do this?

Hold on. I thought it was just me being weird. And wait, that's what that person used to yell at me for.

And that's what that person hated about me and all this other stuff. And then at the end, it was like, well, then you probably have ADHD. And I just was like, no.

And I just kept saying that over and over again for like 10 minutes. No, like that's the common cool thing to have right now. Like everybody has ADHD.

And so traditional, you know, tradition, like basically in pure ADHD form, then it was like two years later when I was like, all right, maybe I should do something about this. So I had gotten an initial diagnosis in terms of like doing a form with a therapist probably six months later. And she said, yeah, there's enough here that it definitely warrants that in-depth testing, which is a two-hour test.

And I was like, cool, cool. She's like, so then you just need to schedule it. And I was like, yeah, awesome.

So one of the things about ADHD people, and not everyone has the same symptoms, but this is pretty common. Self-care tends to be something that we're really bad at. So a lot of times it's things, it can be things like brushing your teeth, going to the doctors, scheduling appointments for yourself, staying organized and things like that, right?

So this is just about you. Now, if someone else asks you, you're on it, all good. I can take care of that.

But when it's for you, it's a little harder. So it was about a year and a half later when I finally made the appointment. And I remember being super stressed going into that test.

And I'd actually called a couple of my, I called a sister and I said, hey, I know the first one has it. Like, let's be clear. That's clear as day.

And I was like, mom's definitely undiagnosed. And so, you know, we started laughing and I said, but does anybody else in the family have ADHD? And she mentioned one of my other sisters had just gotten diagnosed.

And I was like, I mean, I knew there was a genetic component to it. And in that time, in that two years, I believe two of the three of the kids were diagnosed with ADHD. And so I was like, well, it's on this side and on this side.

And I'm in the middle. So there's a pretty good chance I have it. But I was really concerned around influencing the test.

And depending on my mood of being like, I want to have it because it would be awesome to be on medication because maybe that'll help me. But I also don't want to have it because I don't want to use it as an excuse. And what if medication doesn't help me?

And then I'm really broken and then nothing's going to fix me. And so I kind of went into the test being like, I don't want to influence it. I don't want to influence it.

And I started the test and I was like, I can't influence this. There's no way. And I remember the moment where I was like, I have ADHD.

It was the last test. And it was this test where they were showing you. So you were on a screen and it was an audio and visual.

And they would either show you the number one or they would say the number one. And you would have to click. So they practice first with clicking on the one, hearing the one or seeing it, you click the mouse button.

Then they stopped and then they did it with the number two. And so you would see number two and you would hear number two and you'd have to click on it. And then the third part of the test was now only click when you hear number one.

So they would flip between one and twos, audio, visual, all this other stuff. And I remember the two would pop up and I'd click it. And I'd be like, I literally was looking at my hand and was like, what are you doing?

Why are you clicking a button? It's just not, that was a two, not a one. I remember getting so mad at my hand for clicking when it wasn't supposed to click.

And I was like, oh, okay, this is impulse control issues. And there were other things as part of the test where I was like, I could see how the structure of it. I was like, oh my God, because something would be timed and not timed.

And the second the timer went on, it was like I would freeze and my brain would go blank and I couldn't do the thing effectively. And it just brought me back to so many instances of my childhood, right? When a test started or when this started and I couldn't get my brain to go, even though I knew I knew the information.

And not all of that classified me as dumb growing up. So I was told very frequently that I was not intelligent, that I was probably not going to be able to amount to very much, especially in comparison to my sisters who were very bright, who were very book savvy and all this other stuff. So the test was very interesting and getting that highlight.

And the doctor came back in and she goes, I don't need to even, you don't need to wait for the letter. You've got it. And I was like, thanks.

So she's like, no, do you have it? You have both. And I was like, oh, great.

[Uncle Marv]
There's two?

[Cat Orsini]
I know, right? Like the overachiever, inattentive and hyperactive, right? But I remember starting to go home.

And even though I had researched ADHD and I had clearly built structures in my life to be able to help facilitate my neuro spicy brain to still achieve success, what it did was it allowed me to go back to my past and be easier on myself and to release. Oh, it's not that I was weird. It's not that I was broken.

It's not that I was dumb. It's that my brain just works differently. And the structure that I was in did not accommodate the kind of brain that I have.

And so I just was able to understand my experience better versus feeling wrong for being who I was. And it just created a little bit more love for myself that even though I had moved on from it and I had created success in my life, I felt like I was able to give myself, my younger self, a hug. And even though I knew everything was going to be okay, because I'm living that okay life now, it just felt like being able to connect to my past and be more empathetic.

[Uncle Marv]
All right. Well, Cat, we went a little bit longer than we thought.

[Cat Orsini]
That's because I don't know how to shut up. But thanks.

[Uncle Marv]
No, not necessarily. I just didn't want to interrupt at an inappropriate time, because I wanted you to share your story. And it was interesting.

And I like all the stuff that you did, the way that you process things, the way that you... I don't want to say self-corrected. That's probably not the exact phrase.

But it was a lot. Self-confidence isn't about being perfect, right? If you want to be different, you got to do different.

And that's what you did. You've sought out the reasons and you fixed them. And that's really what this is about.

And in terms of the unhealthy podcast, that's the only thing I want to share with people that, listen, there are areas of our life that are not healthy. And it's not just about our bodies and our diet and stuff. Sometimes it's about the stuff we went through.

And you got to fix it. So I appreciate your story. And thank you very much for telling it.

[Cat Orsini]
Of course. Thank you.

[Uncle Marv]
All right, folks. I'm going to have her information in the show notes. Obviously, again, we're not selling anything.

But if you feel like you have a similar situation to Cat's or you do want to look her up because you've got a business that you want to market and make more profitable, she can help you with that. And if you like how she was here in the show, that's exactly how she is in the business.

[Cat Orsini]
There's no more masks.

[Uncle Marv]
But maybe we'll have you back on again in the future. But thank you again very much. Thank you.

And thank you, folks, for listening and subscribing. Head over to unhealthypodcast.com and check out some of the other shows. If you're not a subscriber, click that follow button in the top right and find your favorite pod catcher.

And you'll hear more later. But for now, that's going to do it. And whether you're struggling with weight, health habits or personal growth, as I mentioned earlier, the first step is simple.

If you want to be different, you've got to do different. And for now, go out, live healthy and be happy.